Below is a piece inspired by the prompt at Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers. The key elements were the photo below and a word range of 100-15o (+-25).
** I admit to missing that word-count requirement this week, but I couldn’t decide what to cut–sorry!
Is It Him? 204 words
Lainey leaned around the tree to get a better view. “See anyone?”
“Not yet.” Tara’s face was white beneath makeup applied with precision.
“What time did he say he’d arrive?”
“Five minutes ago.”
“So, he’s late. Not a great start to the relationship.”
“Why did I bring you?”
“You need me. He could be an ax murderer. I’ll protect you.”
“With what—your purse?”
Lainey held up her phone. “I could call 911 if needed.”
“Put your phone away.” Tara said. “He’s not a murderer.”
“Yeah, we may never know if he doesn’t show.”
“He’ll show. We’ve been emailing for weeks.”
“And you’ll know it’s him how? Anyone could plop down on that bench.”
Tara’s face flushed. “He’s carrying a copy of Pride and Prejudice.”
Lainey giggled, one hand over her mouth. “Really? That book? What self-respecting man would carry that?”
“It’s my favorite—Shhh! Someone’s coming!”
“Is it him?”
“I can’t tell,” Tara said, but the butterflies spin-diving in her stomach told her differently.
A tall man with graying hair entered the park from the road, a book beneath one arm.
“There he is, Tara. You ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be to meet my father for the first time.”
Oh, excellent twist! I love that she made him carry P&P 🙂
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Nice twist in the story.
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Aha! You got me in the old switcheroo. Nicely done. I wouldn’t have cut a single word from it either. Always be true to the story first.
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Oooh, cute twist at the end! Love happy twists like that. Personally, I think you could’ve cut out a chunk of the dialogue and condensed in a way that would still show the girls’ playfulness.
Also, I felt like this description didn’t add much to the story: “Tara’s face was white beneath makeup applied with precision” so that could have been taken out as well.
Overall though, it’s such a cute story, and I love that you added the Pride & Prejudice nod! Can’t go wrong with a man who reads Pride & Prejudice 😉
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Thanks for the suggestions! Always a work in progress! 🙂
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Anytime! And of course, the editing is never truly complete!
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Great twist. You think it’s her date but it’s her father whom she never knew.
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I had that blind-date scenario in my head as soon as I saw the bench, but that seemed too easy. Just a little twist this week!
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Awwee you had me thinking she was up for a date! (I swear I was recalling my teenage memories of first date) BUT the twist in the end made this story much sweeter than a romantic love story. Great story! I love it. ❤
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I just liked the idea of the two spying on the “date.” Sounded like something I would have done! 🙂
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Nicely done. Gives it a very sweet finish.
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Some of my recent pieces have been treading down dark paths, so it was nice to aim for sweet this week!
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I didn’t see that coming! A delilight.
Visit Keith’s Ramblings!
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Thanks, Keith. Sometimes those bait-and-switch endings are mean to readers, but hopefully this one didn’t come off that way.
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Great surprise twist! I love it! She is meeting her father for the first time. 🙂
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It’s amazing what we get out of a simple bench photo!
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It really is amazing!
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That is a great story! I was was not traveling down that path… What a great take on the prompt!
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I love that we all end up in such different places from the same starting point.
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Amy, I am really impressed with your blog and the professional way you have displayed your writing. Most of all, the flash writing you did with the photo prompts held me spellbound. I can’t wait to catch up your next posts! It is a pleasure to follow your blog!
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Thank you so much for your kind words, Mary! My blog is very much a work in progress, but it’s an amusing way to pass the time when I should be working! 🙂
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